I’ve always had an interesting relationship with teachers. I’m a natural skeptic and I tend to challenge authority (especially when I perceive an error in logic or method). I ask a lot of questions and I actively test boundaries to make sure I understand each lesson and the person presenting it. I suggest that you do the same.
Some students try to please the teacher rather than understanding the lesson. Some students try to charm the teacher so they can skate by. And some students are so keen to label themselves “teacher” or “master” that they never really learn anything.
As a student of Tai Chi or Kung Fu or as a student of the Tao, you have a responsibility to your teachers, the material, and to yourself. These relationships are symbiotic just like your relationship with the universe. In a way, we are all co-creating our reality. If we take full responsibility for our part of the creation, it will serve to improve our lives and the lives of everyone around us. You might even think of it as fulfilling your part of the cosmic blueprint.
The origins of martial arts and Taoism include a family component. This has led to a kind of patriarchal structure and has influenced the way that knowledge has been passed down through the generations. In Chinese, the term for a teacher is “Sifu” which can also mean father or “Sipoo” which can also mean mother. You can see how this might blur the line between teachers and students and bring some strange family dynamics with it.
Some teachers take this dynamic too far and expect a kind of loyalty that may border on adulation. These teachers demand a kind of “respect” that puts their students at their beck and call. This may even go as far as participating in pointless demonstrations of a so-called master’s powers where throngs of students fall to the ground with a look. This kind of nonsense should be avoided at all costs. This is a perversion of the symbiotic relationship between students and teachers and a betrayal of the subject matter.
When I first started as a student in Tai Chi and Kung Fu, I was very hard on myself. I was frustrated that I couldn’t instantly figure out the moves and I started to rage internally. My teacher could see me doing this to myself. He put his hand on my shoulder and said, “Not that way.” I was so sure that I was wasting everyone’s time with my mere presence that I kept apologizing for everything I did. I was apologizing for existing.
Sifu took me aside and talked to me about the nature of our relationship. He thanked me for being there. He said that my presence was a reflection of lessons that he still needed to learn about himself. By teaching me, he was learning to understand the aspects of himself that had drawn me to him and to the school. My presence was not a burden to him. My presence was an opportunity for him to learn. And by showing me what had helped him, he was continuing to heal himself.
Respect is something that should be earned and the relationship between a student and teacher is something that has to develop over time. The nature of the relationship will grow and change and as you start to understand the teachings, you may start to understand your teachers and vice versa.
The longer you stay on this path, the more human your teachers will start to appear. You may even witness cracks in the veneer. You may start to see the challenges your teachers are working on. When this happens (and it will), try to remember the symbiotic nature of your relationship. A good teacher wants you to surpass them. A good teacher will expand your awareness until you start to see them as a contemporary. A good student will absorb as much as they can and carry that knowledge forward. And when the time comes for you to part ways, hopefully you will do so as lifelong friends.